High school and college teens want to be independent and make their own decisions. And as their parents, it can be challenging to let them experience things on their own.

To help you and your teens navigate this life stage together, consider the coaching model, a parenting approach that helps teens develop independence and decision-making ability over time. 

What is the coaching model?

Instead of a parent teaching a child, coaching is a collaborative process where the two talk and think through things together. Think of it as a similar experience to when your children learned how to ride a bike. When they had their training wheels on, you showed them the way, and with time and practice, they slowly learned to it on their own. More practice gave them more confidence. And when you eventually took away the training wheels and allowed them to ride into the distance, they were excited about their achievement. 

How do you put coaching into action?

Move from reacting to responding. Listen to them without interruption and then respond with open-ended questions. Inquire about their choices and ask if they have or need support from you. Find out if they have all of the information available to make a decision. Our instinct is to to fix problems, and in today’s world, give instant gratification, but when you give your teens the opportunity to make decisions for themselves, you and your teens gain confidence in their problem-solving abilities. 

What are the benefits? 

Coaching helps your teens think and talk through their choices. Communication tactics like open-ended questions can guide them toward positive decision-making and strengthen your relationship. When your teens make good decisions, they gain self-confidence and further develop their decision-making ability.  

Is there a right time to discuss expectations? 

It’s important to have ongoing discussions with your teens to make sure they understand the boundaries that come with their independence.  Whether they have financial, scholastic or extracurricular independence, talk with them regularly to make sure your expectations are clearly understood. These conversations will help guide your teen as they make decisions of their own.

For more tips on how to coach your teens through this next stage of their life, click here.